FRANCOWATCH! @007 kicks off!!!

"Step into my parlor," said the spider to the fly.

Or ... "Step into my parlor," said the immensely exciting emerging screen talent to the OSCAR!

The sweaty days of summer are soon upon us, and as all you Oscar fanatic fanatics know, that makes it time for FRANCOWATCH! 2007!!

This year promises to be especially exciting for Francowatchers, who can expect to catch the luminous young icon in SPIDEYMAN THREE, which, with three villains, two love interests, and enough merchandising tie-ins to make Shreck himself blush, promises to outdo SPIDEYMAN ONE and SPIDEYMAN, TOO.

But that's not all! Look for J.F. (as us true believers know him!) to also make a big splash with vocal appearances in the PS2, PS3, XBOX 360, WII, PC, PSP, ATARI, 3D0, and INTELLEVISION adaptations of SPIDEYMAN THREE.

With a filmography covering all this acreage, surely OSCAR is bound to fall somewhere!?!

OBPSF BUZZORRECTION

Our previous post, so top-full and dizzy with delirious red-state Oscar buzz, neglected to name DELTA FARCE as the object of its blubbering affection!!

Our apologies for the slight go out to CABLE GUY LARRY and J.D. QUAIL, two blustering talents who sure as heckfire won't be cutting and running from this movie year without OSCAR by their sides!

NARY AN OSCAR TRY FOR LARRY THE CABLE GUY?

THIS JUST IN - Could our favorite CABLE GUY's latest movie get a SHORT CIRCUIT? An INSIDE MAN tells us that LARRY himself has refused to be considered for AMERICA'S
HIGHEST HONOR.

Could this be why MILLIONS of Iraqis have declared a JIHAD against the ACADEMY herself?


Seeing as so many of Larry's biggest boosters call THE CRADLE OF LIFE their home, all SIGNS point to yes!

BUZZLINE!! -- Until He Gets His OSCAR, Iced Cube Won't Be "Done Yet"!

Having long since turned his back on the aggressive rap-hop music that made him a star in favor of cuddly antics the whole family can enjoy (it's about time!), Icee Cubes is now turning his sights on OSCAR!

His sure-to-be summer blockbuster Are We Done Yet? (a follow-up to People's Choice favorite National Lampoon's Are We There Yet?) is making major waves in the most sanctified circles of the buzzerati! The same accolades garnered by XXX: State of the Union are emerging, threefold! Maybe the fim should be re-titled We're Not Done Breaking Oscar Records!

Don't even THINK about chilling a beverage with this Cube! He's never been hotter!!

BUZZLINE!! TNTM goes "boomshakalaka" at the box office!!

"IT'S TIME FOR NINJITSU!"

A generation of American children remember that as the battle cry of the NINJA MUTANT TURTLE FORCE, the daring gang of subterranean martial artists who frequently teamed with guest stars the Harlem Globetrotters to take a serious "bite out of crime!"

Well, the beloved memory of the turts didn't go so dim as to prevent their new blockbuster live-action mega-tacular from narrowly besting LAST MIMSEE to become America's reigning box office king!

The buzzfires under this pot of turtle soup have gone white hot, and don't be surprised if later this year they order a large Greek salad with OSCAR!!

Between the wild hogs and the turtles, it looks like this year's race to Oscar will be a real "zoo!"

Like the turtles say, "LET'S TRY OUR BEST!" Agreed, boys, and "SCHWING!"

This is madness? No, THIS...IS...OSCAR!!!!!!

GERARD BUTLER, the hand that rocked TOMB RAIDER: THE CRADLE OF LIFE, is back in the saddle again as KING LEONIDAS proving that Hollywood's lucky number is THE 300.

Though cruel fate had given Butler's OSCAR hopes for DRACULA 2000 a big bite in the neck, turning them into spiteful, angry undead creatures of the night, OBPSF thinks that this new blockbuster is anything but funny math. Our scientist's best estimates have the number of OSCARS owed to Butler at 300+2000=2300!!!

Prepare for glory? More like PREPARE FOR OSCAR!

MOMMA MIA! Italia no like-a de OSCARS??

Oscar under fire!

RAI International pulled a real-life ITALIAN JOB on Oscar when U.S. District Court Judge Audrey Collins decided in favor of the broadcaster, who was sullying the beloved golden idol with the inane "Wine Oscars," "Fashion Oscars," and "Award Show Oscars" (swept for the past seven years by the People's Choice Awards), among others.

The defendants argued that the term "OSCAR!," while quite specific in English, could be used quite generically in Italian!!

To which I say, como dices, paisan! If I may put in my own due lire, there ain't nothin' generic about OSCAR, the sport of kings! Konnichiwa?

BUZZ ALERT! -- Could this result in beloved Holocaust spoofster Roberto "Presto Change-o!" Beninini being stripped of his past Oscar honors?? STAY TUNED!!