Oscar Buzz Patrol Squad Force

Charlton Heston: The Omega Man of the Hour

2008-04-07T11:10:00.000-07:00

Even usually indifferent Oscar had to shed a tear this weekend at the news that the final TOUCH OF EVIL had finally struck THE OMEGA MAN. Known for his popular cameo on TV's FRIENDS, this BUCANEER's performances made EARTHQUAKEs as the entire industry became SOYLENT GREEN with envy.

An already reeling Holywood has BEN HURting from several other famous deaths in recent weeks, so all eyes have remained on his estate to see what they PLAN-ET OF THE APES for the funeral. Here at OSCAR BUZZ we'd like to EL-u-CID-ate on what we think America's favorite funny man would have suggested we do in our time of need: JULIUS SEIZE-AR the day!

And if anyone thinks otherwise, you'll need to pry these words from OUR COLD DEAD HANDS!

Mr. Heston: may the buzz be with you.

OBPSF is Under Construction!

2008-04-05T18:21:00.000-07:00

November 6th, 2007, OBPSF joined it's brothers and sisters in the Writer's Guild of America on STRIKE! Yesterday, we heard that the strike ended in FEBRUARY! Before you GUFFAW at our GAFFE, wrap your ears around this: We're back!

SHIAGATE ENTERS HOUR SIXTY-ONE

2007-11-06T12:29:00.000-08:00

AMERICA HOLDS ITS BREATH. Will ShiaPet explain his LeBEEF with Walgreens?

One things for sure: The WINDY CITY is about to get a whole lot breezier.

UPDATE: Could this SHIA'S new last name be ISLAM? And could this change of faith be a TRANSFORMER-ATION that leads to Oscar GOLD?

Sorry--we can't think of a good pun; Jerry Steinfield has new movie about BEES!!

2007-11-05T08:42:00.000-08:00

BOX OFFICE BUZZ REPORT!!! Jerry Steinfield's unheralded and totally unpromoted nature documentary "BEES: THE MOVIE" dominated this weekend's ticket report, flying under the radar to sting all competitors! SLEEPER HIT OF THE SUMMER?? Watch out WINGED MIGRATION, there's a new guy in sky!!!

OBPSF Looks Back: A One-Year Anniversary Special Buzztrospective Week of Buzzblogging

2007-10-31T09:07:00.000-07:00

It's no "TS" -- buzzfanatics have discovered that April ain't the cruelest month; it's a five-way tie between June, July, August, September, and October!!

True enough. Those months OBPSF went temporarily offline, as yours truly attended the prestigyuss CANS FILM FEST-O-VILLE on the righteous shores of Cans, New Jersey! So much BUZZ swirled around the Fest that your trusty correspondent fell victim to a rare and, in most instances, totally untreatable BUZZATONIC COMA!!! (Additional resources on this tragic condition can be found here.) But YC has returned to the world of the wakeful with this pronouncement: I HAVE SEEN OSCAR FUTURE AND ITS NAME IS ADORABLE LITTLE GIRL FROM GAME PLANS ALSO FEATURING ROCKY "THE DWAYNE" JOHNSON. This adorable moppet is like CRASH! and SHINDLER'S LIST rolled into one!!

As for our comrade in buzz, "I'm With Oscar!", he's had his own "big shits boppin'" (as rapster and BUZZWORTHY crossover sensation T-Eye would say). Let's just say he recently SAW* a worthily spooooooooooooky OSCAR!ccessor to THE SILENCE AND THE LAMBS!!!

And our triumphant return to the world of BUZZ comes on an auspishuss date -- OUR ONE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY BIRTHDAY! Prepare yourself for a week of NEARLY DEAFENING OSCAR BUZZ, with some additional surprises too!!

*(It was SAW IV!!!!!!)

BUZZTASTIC: Move over Bernie Mac, we've JOHN HEARD that theres a new new Spencer Tracey in town!

2007-05-19T08:41:00.000-07:00

Move over traditional ZODIAC, it looks like 2007 is turning out to be the year of the CAVEMAN!

Move over GEORGE LOPEZ, it looks like ABC has decided to start busting a different STEREOTYPE.

Move over, move over, move over, move over!

IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!

OBPSF SEMI-EXCLUSIVE!! TRAVOLTA'S CAREER BOUND FOR FIFTH RENAISSANCE???

2007-05-02T23:38:00.000-07:00

John Travolta, who rode into this year determined to pig out on Academy honors, isn't relenting one bit!

First, he'll slip on the same generously embosomed latex fat suit that shot HOGS leather buddy Martin Laurence all the way from BIG MOMMA'S HOUSE to the box-office big leagues for the screen-to-stage-to-screen adaptation of Jonny Water's kitsch klassic HAIRDO!

Second, he'll team up with eternally relevant shtick behemoth Robin Williams for the heartwarming dudes-raising-kids comedy OLD DOGS!

Third (and still early on the line in the rumor mill) ... could presidential hopeful Mitt Romney's startling declaration of his love for Elron Hubburb's BATTLEFIELD: EARTH be anything but a call for critical re-appraisal? Right now, this Mitt (ironically!!!) could not be more hot to the touch! (And has quite a HAIRDO himself!)

If Romney's BUZZ and Travolta's join forces, the sound could drown out the sobs of a million orphans!!

FRANCOWATCH! @007 kicks off!!!

2007-05-02T23:22:00.000-07:00

"Step into my parlor," said the spider to the fly.

Or ... "Step into my parlor," said the immensely exciting emerging screen talent to the OSCAR!

The sweaty days of summer are soon upon us, and as all you Oscar fanatic fanatics know, that makes it time for FRANCOWATCH! 2007!!

This year promises to be especially exciting for Francowatchers, who can expect to catch the luminous young icon in SPIDEYMAN THREE, which, with three villains, two love interests, and enough merchandising tie-ins to make Shreck himself blush, promises to outdo SPIDEYMAN ONE and SPIDEYMAN, TOO.

But that's not all! Look for J.F. (as us true believers know him!) to also make a big splash with vocal appearances in the PS2, PS3, XBOX 360, WII, PC, PSP, ATARI, 3D0, and INTELLEVISION adaptations of SPIDEYMAN THREE.

With a filmography covering all this acreage, surely OSCAR is bound to fall somewhere!?!

OBPSF BUZZORRECTION

2007-05-02T23:13:00.000-07:00

Our previous post, so top-full and dizzy with delirious red-state Oscar buzz, neglected to name DELTA FARCE as the object of its blubbering affection!!

Our apologies for the slight go out to CABLE GUY LARRY and J.D. QUAIL, two blustering talents who sure as heckfire won't be cutting and running from this movie year without OSCAR by their sides!

NARY AN OSCAR TRY FOR LARRY THE CABLE GUY?

2007-04-18T06:59:00.000-07:00

THIS JUST IN - Could our favorite CABLE GUY's latest movie get a SHORT CIRCUIT? An INSIDE MAN tells us that LARRY himself has refused to be considered for AMERICA'S
HIGHEST HONOR.

Could this be why MILLIONS of Iraqis have declared a JIHAD against the ACADEMY herself?

Seeing as so many of Larry's biggest boosters call THE CRADLE OF LIFE their home, all SIGNS point to yes!

BUZZLINE!! -- Until He Gets His OSCAR, Iced Cube Won't Be "Done Yet"!

2007-04-11T07:38:00.000-07:00

Having long since turned his back on the aggressive rap-hop music that made him a star in favor of cuddly antics the whole family can enjoy (it's about time!), Icee Cubes is now turning his sights on OSCAR!

His sure-to-be summer blockbuster Are We Done Yet? (a follow-up to People's Choice favorite National Lampoon's Are We There Yet?) is making major waves in the most sanctified circles of the buzzerati! The same accolades garnered by XXX: State of the Union are emerging, threefold! Maybe the fim should be re-titled We're Not Done Breaking Oscar Records!

Don't even THINK about chilling a beverage with this Cube! He's never been hotter!!

BUZZLINE!! TNTM goes "boomshakalaka" at the box office!!

2007-03-28T12:38:00.000-07:00

"IT'S TIME FOR NINJITSU!"

A generation of American children remember that as the battle cry of the NINJA MUTANT TURTLE FORCE, the daring gang of subterranean martial artists who frequently teamed with guest stars the Harlem Globetrotters to take a serious "bite out of crime!"

Well, the beloved memory of the turts didn't go so dim as to prevent their new blockbuster live-action mega-tacular from narrowly besting LAST MIMSEE to become America's reigning box office king!

The buzzfires under this pot of turtle soup have gone white hot, and don't be surprised if later this year they order a large Greek salad with OSCAR!!

Between the wild hogs and the turtles, it looks like this year's race to Oscar will be a real "zoo!"

Like the turtles say, "LET'S TRY OUR BEST!" Agreed, boys, and "SCHWING!"

This is madness? No, THIS...IS...OSCAR!!!!!!

2007-03-28T07:23:00.000-07:00

GERARD BUTLER, the hand that rocked TOMB RAIDER: THE CRADLE OF LIFE, is back in the saddle again as KING LEONIDAS proving that Hollywood's lucky number is THE 300.

Though cruel fate had given Butler's OSCAR hopes for DRACULA 2000 a big bite in the neck, turning them into spiteful, angry undead creatures of the night, OBPSF thinks that this new blockbuster is anything but funny math. Our scientist's best estimates have the number of OSCARS owed to Butler at 300+2000=2300!!!

Prepare for glory? More like PREPARE FOR OSCAR!

MOMMA MIA! Italia no like-a de OSCARS??

2007-03-24T20:08:00.000-07:00

Oscar under fire!

RAI International pulled a real-life ITALIAN JOB on Oscar when U.S. District Court Judge Audrey Collins decided in favor of the broadcaster, who was sullying the beloved golden idol with the inane "Wine Oscars," "Fashion Oscars," and "Award Show Oscars" (swept for the past seven years by the People's Choice Awards), among others.

The defendants argued that the term "OSCAR!," while quite specific in English, could be used quite generically in Italian!!

To which I say, como dices, paisan! If I may put in my own due lire, there ain't nothin' generic about OSCAR, the sport of kings! Konnichiwa?

BUZZ ALERT! -- Could this result in beloved Holocaust spoofster Roberto "Presto Change-o!" Beninini being stripped of his past Oscar honors?? STAY TUNED!!

SXSW: Brad Delp Memorial Keynote

2007-03-13T07:18:00.000-07:00

OSCAR was lowered to half-staff today in rememberance of BOSTON front man and long time vegitarian BRAD DELP.

NEW HAMPSHIRE authorities have not yet named any witnesses in the ongoing investigation. But OSCAR BPSF insiders say the quotable singer left one final composition scrawled beside his body: "CURSE YOU PELICAN BRIEF!!!"

Baudrillard "KLUMPED" by Pelican Brief Curse?

2007-03-06T21:28:00.000-08:00

JEAN BAUDRILLARD, known to OSCAR fans everywhere as the man behind THE MATRIX and THE MATRIX REVOLUTIONS, died in his Hoboken apartment today at the age of either 77 or 10,000,000, depending on which version of the legend you believe.

Cineast, gourmand, and all around OSCAR fanatic DAVID DENBY had this to say when asked about his tragic death: "To those who so foolishly doubted The Pelican Brief Curse -- including the monsieur himself, god rest his soul and his spear of destiny he was impaled with -- I have only this to say: Welcome to the desert of the real."

Could there be some BUDDY LOVE lost between the two? OBPSF thinks this FLUBBERED critic MEANT to say welcome to the desert of KEEPING it real!

OBPSF Review: "Hannibal Rising" . . . to accept OSCAR??

2007-03-05T19:51:00.000-08:00

"Hannibal Rising" isn't just a spooktastic chiller; it's heavily "fava"'ed to win this year's TOP OSCAR HONORS, by any "beans" necessary!

In 1972, Hannibal's first foray on the silver screen "tucked away" the top five awards, a feat which has been accomplished only thrice in OSCAR history!

Will "Hannibal Rising" make it a two-peat for the ghost with the most??

OSCARSPECTIVE: The Pelican Brief: The first 25 years

2007-03-05T06:35:00.000-08:00

WILD HOGS aren't the only animal on the menu this week.

Like a fine wine, some movies get better with age. 25 years on, one such movie, THE PELICAN BRIEF, has finally reached vintage. Vintner ALAN J. PAKULA (CONSENTING ADULTS), found anything but SOUR GRAPES with an all-star cast including JAMES SIKKING (FEVER PITCH), WILLIAM ATHERTON (RAVEN HAWK), and ROBERT CULP (COLUMBO: COLUMBO GOES TO COLLEGE) and a story based on perenial Hollywood playboy JOHN GRISHAM'S (CHRISTMAS WITH THE KRANKS) best-selling autobiography.

The anniversary festivities in LOS ANGELES were paused Sunday in remembrance of the death of PAKULA a mere four years following the film's release and just days before he was due to receive his LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT OSCAR. PAKULA met a similar fate to his film's protagonist in 1997 when a metal pipe lying on the road flew into the windshield of his car. Even as DVD sales reach TERMINAL VELOCITY, OSCAR lovers are asking who THE PELICAN BRIEF CURSE will strike next.

OBPSF Review: These "Wild Hogs" Are Rooting for OSCAR!

2007-03-04T20:16:00.000-08:00

Audiences are squealing for "Wild Hogs," the #1 grossing movie in America! Featuring Billy Crystal, Daniel Stern, and the late Bruno Kirby, it's the tale of four buddies who cope with impotence and obesity by getting a real "snort" of the open road! Mark my words: this fall, these "Hogs" will be rolling around in their own ACADEMY HONORS!

BUZZLINE!! -- Will OSCAR diss knock Murphy's career out of "NORBIT"??

2007-02-28T11:45:00.000-08:00

Real-life Grinch Eddy Murphy sent seismic shocks of nega-buzz through Hollywood when he rudely "Departed" the 92th annual OSCAR awards ceremony early! Maybe this "Vampire in Brooklyn" just had to catch the "Metro" before he "Pluto Nash"!

Murphy's quick exit was all the weirder given that he was a dead-on lock for OSCAR!

Expert buzzologists say, however, that this gaffe is unlikely to hurt Eddie's chances at further OSCAR, since his performance in "Norbit" is "the best ever given by an actor!"*

*G.B. Shaw

OSCAR: He's one cell of a guy!

2007-02-27T15:01:00.000-08:00

OSCAR BUZZ claimed its 1000th victim this morning, a tragic milestone in a year marked by pain, suffering, and fawning, ingratiating reviews.

BREAKING NEWS: Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack Ends 2008 Presidential Bid

2007-02-26T22:52:00.000-08:00

Discuss.

Will "The Astronaut Farmer" reap a harvest of OSCAR??

2007-02-26T22:39:00.000-08:00

There was a farmer had a dog . . . and OSCAR?? was its name-o?

That's what Hollywood sex idol Billy Joe Morton is hoping, as he blasts off into theaters next week with the can-do tale of a farmer whose dreams are truly out of this world!

In the past, films about farmers have had no trouble bringing in plentiful crops of OSCARS!

The buzz around this one is truly out of this world!

Discuss!!

Only 176 days . . . till OSCAR!

2007-02-26T22:29:00.000-08:00

The excitement builds!

The Last King of Scotland is first in line for OSCAR!

2007-02-26T18:38:00.000-08:00

FOREST WHITTAKER was BLOWN AWAY last night when he discovered that the COLOR OF MONEY was a Best Actor OSCAR!!! Fortunately for the Longview, Texas native, awards night was no CRYING GAME, even though EVEN MONEY had this PHENOMENON going up in SMOKE!

OBPSF Review: "The Number 23" is s-s-s-s-mokin'!

2007-02-26T11:26:00.000-08:00

Hello! This year Jim Carrey's got OSCAR's "Number," and it's "23"! Well, excuuuuuuuuse me!

OSCAR! comes to America, and don't it feel good!

2007-02-26T11:05:00.000-08:00

MARTIN SCORSESE's 27-year wait came to an end yesterday when he "Departed" the Hollywood Glamordome with OSCAR! Scorsese, director of films like THROW MOMMA FROM THE TRAIN, GOOD GUYS, and TAXI, has been shooting for the gold guy for years, and now that he's scored, the buzz is buzzing!

Let OSCAR!watch 2008 begin! Can you feel the buzz?